In recent days large numbers of families across the country have found themselves facing the prospect of needing to finish out the school year at home. This could be a blessing for some but will likely be challenging for most, particularly for families with more than one child and especially when parents need to try to keep their regular job going from home as well.
I made a conscious choice to homeschool my three children. They are mostly grown now but I remember the joys and frustrations of those busy days. As many face the sudden need to keep their kids happy and learning during this time of stress and uncertainty, I thought I would try to offer some words of guidance based on my own years of homeschool experience.
First of all, one of the great things about homeschooling is that you and your family get to set the rules. You get to decide when school begins, what the curriculum will look like and when it is time for recess. All that freedom can be daunting, however so it is a good idea to remember that most kids thrive with some sort of rhythm. Despite how it sometimes feels, kids do take comfort in knowing that their parent is “in charge”. There is no harm in faking it till you make it, but presenting an aura of knowing what you are doing allows kids to not worry that they need to take care of you, but that you, the grown up, will keep them safe and guide them along. This can be particularly challenging with teenagers. As children begin to mature, it is important to strike a balance, inviting input and supporting budding independence, while at the same time maintaining your role as your child’s anchor and support.
We are living in a very uncertain time where worry and anxiety abound. Children are not immune to these feelings. The abrupt change — from a daily school routine to suddenly being stuck at home all the time with stressed out parents and siblings — will need to be acknowledged as you move toward creating a new normal. I encourage you to give yourself permission to ease into academics at a pace that feels right for your family. This may even be a time to reach out for some virtual counseling or therapy sessions for one or more family members.
Integrating a household self-care routine into your homeschooling day is a great idea. This might look different in every home, but making yourself and your children feel good can go a long way toward a harmonious learning and working environment. This could include a gentle mindfulness or yoga practice, a pampering routine, soothing music, lighting a candle with a verse each day, the list of ideas is truly endless. Science has been showing us that humans have a hard time processing information when we are in a state of stress. It is counterproductive to try to force learning when a child is in the fight or flight mode that can be triggered by anxiety and fear.
Here are some ideas I learned along the way to help children move from pervasive stress toward calm resiliency:
Breathe - practice this yourself and do it with your kids
Create sensory delights - construct a nature table or altar of your own design, spend time in nature
Encourage impulse control with anticipated rewards coming later, doing activities that require waiting like baking or setting the table
Make room for soothing touch - massage or side by side self massage, dry brushing, rolling up on a blanket, lying down outside, trading manicures or hair brushing for older ones - we all need human contact
Activities that also satisfy the sense of touch include bouncing a ball, working with clay or beeswax, knitting, sewing, weaving, making bread, working in a garden
Practice and teach forgiveness and courage - try new things and be ok with it if things don’t work our perfectly
Allow room for ambiguity - question based rather than answer based learning let’s children explore their own creativity by allowing for more than one right answer
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I have offered my thoughts on how to ease the stress of transitioning from one reality to another. This is the first in a series in the Crash Course on Homeschooling. Next up we will focus on some tips for carving out some time to get other stuff done when kids are at home.
Jennipher Lommen is a Certified Financial Planner TM and Enrolled Agent who offers comprehensive financial planning and tax advice to clients in Santa Cruz, CA and beyond.
